The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk’s had been holidaying in his property.

Simon Danczuk, God bothering pornography enthusiast, creative accountant, serial text pest and part-time MP had his first taste of prison during the relaxing break following a shirtless cat fight left his “estranged” wife, the booby photographer and self publicist Karen Danczuk, with minor injuries that required attention from a paramedic.

Diego Dueno, owner of the Villa in question, was said to be considering suing Thomas Cook after discovering that Karen and Simon had been using his swimming pool.

“I’m going to have to change all the filters and get some extra chlorine into it. It’s a mess. I know where Simon has been.” Diego told us with a shudder. “He threw Karen’s mobile phone into it. The horror. On second thoughts I’ll just fill it with rubble and put a patio on it.”

Karen allegedly told friend “Linda Blanston” that she was “obvs delighted 2 b in the papers” but “but gutted about me phone” which apparently had 1,400 unpublished photos of her bottom on it.

We couldn’t be bothered to try to reach Simon for comment but are increasingly concerned about his mental state and hope he seeks some professional help before doing something really stupid, as opposed to just stupid.

Seriously Simon please get some help.