Chinese space station crashes into Burnley causing £12-50 worth of damage

The Tiangong-1 Chinese space station that has been out of control since 2016 finally crashed down to Earth in the early hours of Monday morning on the British town of Burnley causing wide spread...

Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey jacket. Graeme Corbin, long time jam enthusiast and dairy free yoghurt...

Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a Rochdale council employee. The 'Nigel Farage Dog Waste Bin' will be...

Couple still at bottle bank

A Rochdale couple is now entering their third day of disposing of bottles at their local bottle bank.
Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement was made in garbled English written on the back of...
Factory Fire

Explosion in Burnley pie factory causes £3.14159265359 of damage

Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit, on the Heasandford Estate, has undoubtedly boosted house prices in...

SHOCK as cocaine bought in Rochdale nightclub found to contain trace amounts of COCAINE

Local man Geoff Addy was out partying in Rochdale's premier night club, Kokos, on Saturday for his mate John Bullington's abortion party, when he was arrested for possession of the Class A drug cocaine. However...
Burnley Teenager

Burnley schoolgirl goes whole term without getting pregnant

The leader of Burnley council has called for calm today, after it was revealed a Burnley schoolgirl went an entire term without becoming pregnant. Eric Dingle, confirmed that the school will be put under special...
Man with mug of tea

Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink

In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few hours. Northerner Steve Dickinson was making a mug of tea when...
Kitten

Fluffy kitten is a double hard bastard

An adorably fluffy little kitten from Bury has confirmed he is a double hard bastard who is not to be trifled with. 13 week old psychopath Tiddles has been living with a couple in Bury...

Rochdale vale terrorised by 1% outlaw motorhome gangs

Rochdale is in the grips of an outlaw Caravaner gang; who are terrorising wild life, being a public nuisance and brawling with dog walkers over the use of picnic tables at the Hollingworth nature...

Elderly Leave voter mistakes Hovis advert for childhood memories

An elderly leave voter has been telling the Herald about his childhood and it's very similar to the Hovis advert. Roy Bader, 72, who's never been to Dorset or Yorkshire said, "When i were a...

Ugly scenes at Rochdale Waitrose as supplies of Chateau Lafite de Rothschild 2009 run...

There were frantic scenes of violence and looting yesterday morning after Waitrose ran out of the 2009 vintage of the Chateau Lafite de Rothschild. Customers were queuing around the corner from 6am after Waitrose announced...

Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.
Riot Police

Corner shop owner lynched by mob in Rochdale after caught selling Yorkshire Tea

Marge Riley, 74, was confronted by an angry mob of local residents who objected to her display of Yorkshire Teas. “I just wanted to give my regulars something a little exotic, so I got some...

Trading Standards to prosecute Gastro Pub for using plates

A new gastro pub, The Pissed Idiot, in Rochdale is under investigation by trading standards after allegedly serving food on actual plates rather than on old dustbin lids and chopping boards. "We've received reports of...

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