A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan Still’s Halloween party on Saturday night dressed in a cycling outfit.
Guest Cliff Edge said, “It was a really great costume. He had the helmet and those shoes that cyclists wear that you can’t walk in. It was a really good character study as well, true method acting. I got stuck in a corner with him where he began droning on about his resting heart rate and how everything is better for cyclists in Denmark. Frankly, I was wishing I was in Denmark after 10 minutes.”
Stan’s wife Stanna Still said, “His shorts must have been about 2 sizes too small. I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head. HE also gave me a 45 minute lecture on the absence of decent luggage provision for bicycles on public transport. I’m allergic to nuts but 45 minutes with Bill and I was reaching for the peanuts as enthusiastically as any chimp.”
Another friend, Cliff Edge said, “He definitely deserved to win. He droned on about some lorry driver who’d driven in the wrong lane on a roundabout or something and then made out he was better than the rest of us because his mode of transport doesn’t kill polar bears or something. Frankly, I wanted to shoot myself so he’d got that bit right with his costume.”
Bill told us, “It was a bit embarrassing really to win it. I’d not even realised it was a fancy dress party. I just dropped in for a Kale smoothie then was going to get on my way.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.