A Labrador Retriever from Rochdale was feeling aggrieved today after her owner callously pulled rank over her choice of fragrance.

Luna Goodgirl, aged 3, told The Herald “I’m devastated. I spent the best part of an hour trying on different scents. You can’t imagine how excited I was when I found a pristine nugget of fox poo right there on the path in front of me. Usually I have to scour the woods for it only to find that mongrel bitch from number 42 has beaten me to it. In your face, Bella!”

Luna’s owner, Helen Goodgirl, was unapologetic when challenged by our reporter. “If she thinks she’s coming in the house smelling like that she’s very much mistaken”, she ranted hysterically. “It took me a month to get the stains out of the carpet after the incident with the stolen curry.”

“Well you can sod right off!” snapped Luna. “I should bloody well report you for abuse. How the hell am I supposed to go out smelling like that poor Pug next door? You know why he’s always getting beaten up, right? Don’t look at me when you want your bloody ball back, fetch it your-feckin-self!”

“And next time the cat shits in your slippers, I won’t dob him in.”

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