Brian Bamford from Bamford got the shock news that “he hasn’t turned out okay” after a neighbour called the police when she saw him chasing his screaming seven year old around his garden wielding a leather belt.

He told officers that he really didn’t see what the problem was with thrashing his daughter with a leather belt as;

“his father had beaten him with a studded belt everyday and he had turned out okay.”

When PC Colin Allcars suggested that if Brian thought beating children was acceptable perhaps he hadn’t turned out okay after all.

Brian is now seeking help for the emotional damage his father caused by beating the snot out of him as a child and dreaming of the day social services let him see his children again.

PC Colin told us; “if you think hitting kids is okay because you were hit as a kid you aren’t okay. In fact you’re a dick. Don’t worry though you can stop being a dick quite easily by growing up a bit and simply resisting the urge to punch your children. Seeking some professional help might also be a good idea.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.