Here at the Herald we’ve seen numerous “news” sources state that Britain’s answer to Donald Trump has considerable support amongst Labour Party members. We somehow doubted this given the list of reasons why he’s unfit to hold office.

We undertook a massive investigation to uncover who in Rochdale actually supports Simon Danczuk, it turns out less then 0.5% of Labour members in Rochdale actually want him to remain in office.

Council leader Richard Farnell at first struggled to remember who Spanker Danczuk was, when he did remember he said he supports him 100%.

Simon’s other 4 supporters are thought to be two confused councillors, his ex wife Karen and one member called Flossy Danczuk, although it is thought the Labour Party doesn’t allow cats to be members.

There were rumours he was trying to get people to join the Labour Party to bolster his support in the town but he has struggled, in a town of 211,699 people to find a single person that doesn’t think he’s unfit to hold office.

It is thought that Simon is the most unpopular person in the history of Rochdale, beating Margaret Thatcher and Cyril Smith by 32 people.

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Dermot writes all of his articles in mixed media (mostly crayons and drool) he finds this style most fits his journalistic style, these are then sent to a room with 100 monkeys at typewriters, eventually something is published.