Boiling Sprouts

Christmas lunch already ruined after Grandma forgets to start cooking sprouts before end November

A Rochdale family has had to cancel Christmas this year after Grandma admitted that she had forgotten to start cooking the sprouts in November. Pamela Dickinson from Heyworth made the revelation during a family day...
Christmas Morning

Man thanked for countless gifts he had no knowledge of purchasing

A man has been repeatedly thanked and kissed by family and friends for Christmas presents he was unaware of purchasing, despite paying for every single one of them in full. The torrent of gratitude began...
Riot Police

Corner shop owner lynched by mob in Rochdale after caught selling Yorkshire Tea

Marge Riley, 74, was confronted by an angry mob of local residents who objected to her display of Yorkshire Teas. “I just wanted to give my regulars something a little exotic, so I got some...
Alpha Male

Man who refers to himself as an ‘alpha-male’ actually just a dickhead

A man from Rochdale who refers to himself as an 'alpha-male' is in fact just a bit of a dickead sources have revealed. The news follows reports of a man in Rochdale who refers to...

Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey jacket. Graeme Corbin, long time jam enthusiast and dairy free yoghurt...
Dog Shitting in Car

Police free distressed dog left in locked car in Burnley carpark

POLICE were forced to smash the window of a locked car parked outside Asda in order release a distressed dog inside the vehicle on Thursday. Worried passers-by spotted the labradoodle on the parcel shelf of...

Psychic wins EuroMillions for sixth week running

A Rochdale based psychic has won the Euromillions lottery for the sixth week running. In an interview conducted 7 weeks ago Psychic Islet told us, "I've always been able...

Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding

Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their taps on over night to help lower the risk of...

Rochdale Good Name Besmirched By Internet Trolls

The city of Rochdale was left reeling and in shock once again today as internet trolls took it upon themselves to deface an iconic Rochdale landmark, the 'Welcome To Rochdale' sign near to Hopwood...

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan Still's Halloween party on Saturday night dressed in a cycling...
Hippies Hippy

Sheffield Tree Protestors Charged With Doing Nothing Illegal Are Freed

Two lovely blokes who were recently charged with doing absolutely nothing illegal by the dark forces of South Yorkshire police and Sheffield Council were celebrating their freedom yesterday. Simeon Cramp and Calvin Hobbes, who frequently...

Burnley Nativity Play cancelled after search for 3 wise men and virgin ends in...

Burnley Council has been forced to cancel its annual community Nativity Play for the 126th consecutive year in succession. After another exhaustive search of the Borough they were yet again unable to find three wise...

Panic as rebel Corbynistas take West Didsbury

Residents of the leafy south Manchester suburb of West Didsbury were forced to spit their skinny lattes out in shock this morning after the area was captured by radical Jeremy Corbyn supporters. Guerilla Corbynistas successfully...
Audi A5

Audi driver has above average sized penis

There were scenes of disbelief in Rochdale today after a man who drives a convertible Audi A5 was found to be in possession of an above average sized penis. Derek Diggler, 35 and a bit,...
theresa nay laughing

Theresa May to communicate Brexit deal using dance

Theresa May will communicate the UK's Brexit plan to the House of Commons later today using the medium of dance. One insider told us, "The Prime Minister has decided that her dancing has been such...

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