There was a commotion on Drake Street in Rochdale this afternoon as crowds of people gathered from all corners of the town to gaze in bewilderment at a man going about his day in Rochdale with no visible tattoos whatsoever.

A digital rendering of an adult human with no tattoos on his arms.

The man, who has asked to remain anonymous for his own safety, was first spotted by a curious member of the public as he left the world famous Shelly B’s Café without so much as a sleeve tattoo on his arm.

The “It were terrifying at first to see so much naked skin on his arms.” Said Craig Hopwood of Middleton. “He should get it looked at really, it’s not that expensive these days and there’s loads of designs to choose from. There really is no excuse.”

By the time he got to the junction with Water Street, traffic was at a standstill and at least three hundred people had gathered around him asking questions such as;

“How do you remember what your children are called if their names aren’t written on your arm?”


“How do you stay motivated without an uplifting quote in Chinese script tattooed on your bicep?”


“What? Seriously none? Not even on your bum? Weirdo!”

The Police were only able to get traffic moving after dispersing the crowd with water-cannon and rubber bullets.

More on this as it breaks.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.