A Rochdale resident who regularly invokes the Blitz Spirit has been out an panic bought 70 bottles of hand sanitizer today.

Bill Board regularly greets minor annoyances such as train delays and getting stuck in traffic with a cheery refrain about getting through the Blitz. But recently the Blitz Spirit has left him for panic.

Bill’s wife Orla told us, “He goes on about the Blitz as if he was there despite him being born 10 years after the event. At first he was the same about Coronavirus. Then they flew those people back and he said that they should have been left to get on like in Burma. Last Friday I caught him emailing our MP telling her that she should tell the Government to close schools. Yesterday he shot put and bought loads of hand sanitizer and today I found him the an old fish bowl on his head.”

Bill’s daughter told us, “He like to think he’s Winston Churchill or something but the other day I said my son had a cold and he locked himself in the toilet all afternoon. I’ve been teaching my son to sneeze towards him, point and say, ‘exterminate’. That seems to shut him up.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.