The UK government has announce a new initiative to spend £100bn on a COVID-19 testing programme, the Rochdale Herald has learned.

The initiative, the budget for which totals almost that of the entire NHS England budget for 2019-2020, has been nicknamed “Operation Cumshot”. This is due to its obvious objective of spunking £100bn over the faces of the usual Conservative party cronies.

“I’m delighted!” Anthony Farquar-Hunt, the 3rd Earl of Little Shittington, told The Rochdale Herald.

“My bank account is going to look, to all intents and purposes, like a plasterer’s radio once good old Boris has spaffed his load all over it.”

Planned spending for the Department of Health and Social Care by NHS England is £140.4bn in 2019/20.

NHS England’s Five Year Forward View (FYFV) that set out plans for the NHS from 2015 to 2020 estimated that the National Health Service would need an extra £30bn by 2020. This would enable it to deal with growth in healthcare need, the provision of new treatments, and so on. Those plans will have been screwed up and thrown out the second COVID-19 reared it’s ugly head.
 
So here’s an idea.
 
Why not give the £100bn to the NHS?
 
Wasn’t there a bus with stuff like that written on the side or has everyone forgotten about that?