Donald Trump has been asked to give up golf as he is tarnishing its reputation and attracting the wrong type of people into the game. Fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged golfers are appalled to find they’ve been stereotyped as mini Donald Trumps.

Colin Jackson, speaking on behalf of golfers explained “Donald Trump has tarnished Golf’s reputation, with his public displays of racism, misogyny and elitism. This stereotype is unfair. Golf is a sport open to everyone. If you go to any golf club in the country you will see an incredibly diverse cross section of fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged people, playing golf.”

The high profile of Donald Trump as a golfer has proven to be an unexpected financial bonus for many clubs, bringing in new members. Whitehaven GC told me, “With Donald Trump as our role model we are attracting lots of new members. Recently we’ve seen an upsurge in BNP, Britain First, EDL and UKIP members taking up the game. However, these really aren’t the sort of people we want hanging around the clubhouse. The other day there was a Ford Mondeo in the car park, it’s not good enough.”

Colin Jackson again, “I’ve always been proud to say I was a golfer. It is a difficult sport, requiring time, patience and skill to master. Now, many of our members are ashamed to admit they play golf. When I’m asked about my hobbies I tell people I’m a Morris Dancer rather than admit I’m a golfer. Sad days. Let’s hope he gives it up soon.”

A spokesperson for Donald Trump said, “Our President loves the game of golf, and he has no intention of stopping playing. Everyone associated with him is happy he spends so much time on the course, imagine the damage he could do if he had another 20 hours a week of free.”