Nearly eight brain cells were killed in a mass brawl following the Ultimate Fight Club bout between Conman McGregor and Khabab Gnawmigonadov in Las Vegas at the weekend.

The Ultimate Fight Club, which unfortunately people talk about, is a cross between boxing and a Saturday night in a Carlisle pub.

Both fighters were consistently reminded to breathe during the fight and following McGregor’s submission, a mass brawl of morons took place culminating in one of McGregors team being punched in the octagon and kicked in the balls.

The Las Vegas hotel was also hosting the annual conference of American Zombies. Their chairman told us “Had we known, we’d have picked a different weekend. I’m fucking starving and with all these Ultimate Fight fans around, there are no brains to eat.”