Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...

Female Russian athletes call 2018 Winter Olympics ban ‘a real kick in the nuts’

The Russian Olympic Committee has reacted angrily to its ban from next year's Winter Olympics in South Korea, with female athletes in particular calling the move 'a real kick in the nuts'.The ban comes...

Muslims Infiltrate Ranks of Top British Sports Teams

Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team. "It appears the sneaky Islamists are obtaining access to the team by posing as...

Judd Trump To Change Name By Deed Poll

Snooker player Judd Trump has announced that he is to change his name by deed poll following a series of incidents whereby people saw his surname and associated him with SCROTUS Donald Trump.“It’s been...
Mo Farah

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...

EFL admits to buying its footballs from a petrol station on Rochdale

The English Football League has admitted buying its footballs from Denny’s Auto Diesel & Spar Mini-Mart on the Bury New Road in Rochdale.The balls, nicknamed the Penny Swerver by posh kids from Sutton...

Big penis denies any link to Romelu Lukaku

A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku.Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the massive cock sought to distance himself from non-white people in...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one of the finest footballers of his generation David Beckham (and...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week which saw Arsenal's early departure from the FA cup at the hands of the not so mighty Nottingham Forest.However, in a...

Is Bradley Wiggins the new Lance Armstrong?

Bradley Wiggins has come under scrutiny this week after it was revealed he'd used performance enhancing drugs to "put him back on a level playing field" with other athletes not using performance enhancing drugs.It...

Fury as EU force England Cricket Team to wear pink caps

Fury has erupted in the cricketing World as power mad Eurocrats have forced England cricketers into wearing EU coloured pink caps.The Euro-wankers, already quaking at the prospect of an ever more successful looking Brexit,...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK.According to sources close to the FA, the European Parliament's Fair Trade Advocacy Office in conjunction with the...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that they will be supporting Brazil in the football.Artemisa Yousir, originally...

East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...

East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their bed-next-to-the-door Manager role.Moyes, who has come to specialise in...

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire Norwegian national women's squad has been discovered in a debauched...

Tom Daley admits pissing in pool

Great British diving legend Tom Daley, who recently claimed Bronze in the synchronized diving with his partner (Dan something or other), has sensationally confessed to urinating in the diving pool in Rio.The much talked...

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