Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool.

He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to carry Gary Neville for an entire career; to Everton, a team never out of the shadow of their illustrious Stanley Park neighbours, where Gary’s even less talented brother played out his days.

Rooney is the top scorer in the history of the English national team, an achievement facilitated by regular fixtures against countries that didn’t exist in Bobby Charlton’s time. He is also credited with changing the ‘WAGs’ culture to ‘WAGILFs’.

His past few years at United have divided fans, some saying he was being played out of position, others asserting that his natural position was sitting with the other substitutes.
His return to Everton has excited fans of the club, with many female fans promising to throw their support garments onto the pitch on his debut.

Rooney commented “I’m over the moon to be returning to Everton, the only Premiership club I would play for and, luckily, the only one would have me. The training ground is nearer my house which is good news considering how slow I am to get about these days.”

Rooney’s wife, Colleen said ‘I have already scoped the area for branches of Gregg’s so I can continue to cater for Wayne in the manner to which he is accustomed.” Stoke fan, Steve Potter, said “We certainly dodged a bullet there.”