Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs estate in a huge ceremony in Cardiff.
There will be a formal presentation to hand over the briefcases of cash and medals to Stacey within the week and is set to include other celebrity fiddlers, such as Tiger Woods, David Beckham and Brad Pitt. Wayne Rooney was also invited, but declined the offer, saying he had Old people’s homes to visit.
We caught up with Stacey as the news broke. “I’m chuffed, but still a little frustrated.” Said the 39-year-old. “The dirty prick [Giggs], won 13 League medals and I only get 6. They should melt the odd one down or something and give me half of it.” “Even though I hate United, it’s still nice to see that us SLAGs [Single Ladies and Girlfriends] are able to claim more medals than some other footballers do in an entire career!”
Another of our reporters, fortunately wearing a sow’ester and goggles, caught up with Steven Gerrard as he left the world’s Scousiest Scouser awards 2017, having been runner up again to Jamie Carragher.
“Orrr, ehy! I can’t believe eht. She’s a cheeky cow, err! Had I not, ehhh, slipped against Chelsea, she would have had ehhhh, only 5!”
Further to this report – In a ceaseless two-hour campaign, The Rochdale Herald is now happy to report that it has managed to gain agreement that at the end of Cardiff ceremony, the 13th medal will be smelted down and formed into little golden testicles. One of which will be given to Stacey.