British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the United Kingdom out the European Union.
Sources close to the prime minister have confirmed that the bout will take place Tuesday in the recently installed 10 Downing street “Lutumeum”, and will be strictly by invitation only.
The sources explained that with parliament having passed the recent motion approving moves for the UK to leave the EU and as sitting prime minister, Mrs May has no actual constitutional need to mud wrestle her Scottish counterpart but feels she owes her counterpart the chance to show what she’s made off, woman to woman.
“Theresa is adamant that as PM she can finger her little red button to trigger article 50 whenever she feels the urge and no one can stop her,” the source said.
“But to be honest she couldn’t resist the opportunity of getting down and dirty with Ms Sturgeon, the only woman in Britain who poses any sort of threat to her vice like grip on the rod of power,” the source added.
However a spokesperson for the SNP countered that the result of the planned bout is by no means a foregone conclusion.
“Don’t forget, that unlike her limp fingered predecessor Alex Salmond, Nicola has her own little red button, and she isn’t afraid to press it,” he said.
“For every Brexit, there can be a Sexit,” he winked explaining that the latest opinion polls suggest strong support in Scotland for Sturgeon should she call a second referendum to pull Scotland out of the UK.
“When Theresa signals she’s fingering her button, Nicola will do the same,” he said.
Critics of the planned bout were quick to allege that it was nothing but a cheap and salacious media spectacle aimed at pandering to the crude fantasies of the overgrown public schoolboys and ill dressed bearded trots who still make up most of the ranks of politicians at Westminster.
However this has been denied by Number 10.
“That simply isn’t true, while ringside seats have been reserved for members of the Monday Club, the 1922 Committee, Momentum and Gutless Pigswill – whatever party he decides he’s representing this week, footage of the bout will be made available to anyone regardless of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation,” said a Downing Street source.
“Downloads will be available from Mudhub, Netchicks and Amazon-past-their-prime, and there will be a special commemorative double DVD pack with live action inflatable scale models of the two protagonists and a pack of limited edition tartan wet wipes,” he added.