Sport

A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club. The coin missed...

Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup games.  Fifa announced today that during the World Cup, hosted by Russia, stray...

The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a statement Fox said, "So many people want to do our...

East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their bed-next-to-the-door Manager role. Moyes, who has come to specialise in...

Records have been tumbling all week at the very first running of The Vegan Olympics taking place in Turkey. The first big record smashed was by American athlete, Slim Jim Tomkins who successfully lifted both...

Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals for the first time in 28 years after a bloke...

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before. "I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...

The Toon Army are rejoicing following the news that Sports Direct Entrepreneur Sweat Shop owner, Mike Ashley, is to sell the Magpies. Realising that he is losing money hand-over-fist due to being unable get any...

Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs estate in a huge ceremony in Cardiff. There will be a...

A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku. Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the massive cock sought to distance himself from non-white people in...

It has been crowned the greatest sporting achievement at the London Stadium since the 2012 Olympics. There was shock and surprise as a West Ham United fan ran 50 yards on the London Stadium pitch,...

John Terry has announced he's leaving Aston Villa today. Terry said he was leaving so that he could spend more time with Wayne Bridge's wife and kids. Terry told the assembled press, "It's been rough...

Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time. Mourinho has...

Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...

Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to...