The Scottish football team is celebrating getting through to the last sixteen; of a golf tournament.

Speaking from the Roving Sands Golf Course in Marbella, Alex McCleish said, “Aye, I’m happy for the boys. We came here wanting to do well in this tournament and to get out of the group stages is a real achievement for us. If we win the next game then I definitely think we’re good enough to get a place in the semis or even a final. I’m really happy for the fans. they’ve followed us through thick and thin.”

The team beat a family from Stafford, the Egyptian national football team and plucky underdogs Fiji on their way to winning all their group games.
They will next face the Welsh national football team who have coincidentally, booked into the same resort.

McCleish said, “Aye, the next game won’t be easy but if we win that then we’ve definitely got the easier route to the final. The Cornish national football team or a family from Rhyl in the quarter and then a semi against a bunch of Gerodies on a stag weekend. We’ll take that.”

Indeed, the Scottish team does have the easier half of the draw now. The top half of the draw contains several teams of Japanese and American businessmen wearing hideous tartan trousers. Finishing first in their group means the Scots will avoid many of these teams until the final.

McCleish, “Aye, if we get to the final then it’s anyone’s game. On the day I think we’re easily good enough to beat that team of executives from Fujifilm. If we get past the Welsh I think we’ve got a genuine chance of going away with the trophy. It’s not going to be easy though. That family from Rhyl contains a semi-professional who is sponsored by Unilever.”

It’s understood that the success of the Scottish football team has been a great boost to the Scottish economy with many pubs reportedly packed out for their group games. There are even suggestions that the Scottish Parliament will grant a national holiday should the team win the tournament.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.