BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break

0
Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event of nuclear winter. Currently, other leagues around Europe have scheduled a...

Shock News: Tyson Fury Tests Positive For Horlicks

0
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal Tyson Fury was declared medically unfit to fight because he tested positive for Horlicks. The IBF have banned Horlicks, a known performance reducing beverage for a number of years now. It is...

Theresa May to Naked Mud Wrestle Nicola Sturgeon for the Right to Trigger Brexit

0
British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the United Kingdom out the European Union. Sources close to the prime...

Yoga All About Getting Your Head Up Your Own Fundament

0
It’s always been said that there’s more to yoga than the lotus position, but it has been revealed recently that the true aim is to become so supple as to be able to get...

Muslims Infiltrate Ranks of Top British Sports Teams

2
Statisticians today pointed to a 25% increase in Muslims appearing among the top four run scorers in the England cricket team.  "It appears the sneaky Islamists are obtaining access to the team by posing as...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney Returns to Everton because ‘I missed my Nan’

6
Overweight, red faced, former England captain Wayne Rooney is to leave Manchester United to return to his first club Everton as part of a £90m deal that takes Everton striker Romelu Lukaku to Old...
Putin 2

FIFA rejects World Cup draw rigging allegations after Russia selected to play against Russia

0
FIFA have been forced to defend more allegations of corruption after the 2018 World Cup hosts, Russia, were selected to play against themselves in the group stages. The event saw Gary Lineker and Russian presenter...

Donald Trump’s Golf Partner Outraged at Sexist Muirfield

0
Rory McIlroy, who plays golf with a man who openly questioned Hilary Clinton's ability to sexually satisfy her husband, has continued his criticism of Muirfield despite the club voting to admit women members. "I still...

World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer

45
The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before. "I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...
Slipping

Team GB aim for Olympic Gold in ‘Slipping over while carrying the shopping home’

0
Team GB have seen a few medal opportunities slip through their fingers in the first few days of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics but have no fear, we're still in with a chance. As training facilities...
Millwall Fans

Millwall football fans hail Supreme Court with bricks and bottles after Blair no criminal...

0
Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters and thugs rampaged near the high court in London today. "Bliar,...

Vegan runs Great South Run without telling anybody he’s a vegan

0
A vegan has reportedly completed the Great South Run today without feeling the need to tell everyone.

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

0
As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team talk, United manager Jose Mourinho told simpleton, Rooney, "I want...

Thousands dead in Daily Mail Olympics tragedy

9
Thousands of Daily Mail readers are dead today after their heads exploded whilst reading the rag's coverage of the Olympics. Mild confusion over the juxtaposition between the length of Helen Skelton's skirt and the Egyptian...

Olympic movement rocked by revelation that Russia has an anti-doping lab

News is breaking today that Russia, much to the surprise of the international sporting community actually has an anti-doping laboratory.  Whistle-blower Grigory Radchenkov, the former head of Russia's anti-doping laboratory, revealed in an interview with...
Trump furious to learn Farage isn't 'King of England'

Trump Demands IOC Accept Extreme Vetting Into Next Olympics

Merkin-topped braggart and presidential candidate Donald Trump is demanding that extreme vetting become an accepted Olympic sport. Although media have interpreted his remarks on extreme vetting as a call for immigration control on brown people,...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts