Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’

The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill judged drunken Tweets last night.Within them he also stated that victims...

Shock News: Tyson Fury Tests Positive For Horlicks

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal Tyson Fury was declared medically unfit to fight because he tested positive for Horlicks.The IBF have banned Horlicks, a known performance reducing beverage for a number of years now.It is...

FA enquiries into unusual betting

The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches.The FA spokesman, Brian Crosse-Barre, 97, said, "After bets were placed on Sutton United's...

Rochdale shock at non-inclusion of ancient sport of darts in Olympics

There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of "arrows" in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren of Morris dancers and arrow throwers today issued a statement...

Sneaky German declares Last Goal’s the Winner and takes ball home

Sneaky German and part-time Finn Nico Rosberg has pulled off the all-time-shittiest Schoolboy trick by declaring the last goal the winner as the ball was already in the net!

Token female cycling club member thrilled to have been described as attractive

A magazine feature by Cycling Weekly on the Hinckley Cycle Racing Club from Leicestershire was lambasted today after going to print with the caption ‘Token attractive woman’ on a photograph of a female club...
Horse Racing

Horses! Football! And that’s all we have time for!

And they’re offIt’s Ascot in the lead, neck and neck with Sunny Weather, but coming up on the outside it’s Posh Girls Who Look Like They Might Turn Slutty. And it’s Posh Girls, Posh...

Canoeist wins Olympic Gold for canoeing

A canoeist fulfilled a lifetime's ambition last night after winning Olympic Gold for Britain in Rio.The Rochdale Herald would like to congratulate the canoeist who won a medal alongside fellow Olympian Tom Daley, who...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree.The highly-regarded player, often hailed by many as the greatest ever, has, allegedly, dodged payments...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time.Mourinho has...

Brazilian kidnappers fail to understand British man’s relationship with mother-in-law

Bernie Ecclestone is said to have received the news of his mother-in-law's kidnap with mixed emotions this morningIn an exclusive interview with the Rochdale Herald this afternoon he told us;"It's not everyday that you...

Euro TV Satellite expected to fall on Rochdale: “Nothing to fear” say boffins

28.2E Astra2/Eurobird1 may not mean anything to most people, but it is very much in the minds of worried Rochdale residents who have recently learned that the high-tech TV satellite is expected to fall...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox.In a statement Fox said, "So many people want to do our...

TV producer just can’t quite find the right Kraftwerk song for Tour De France...

Local TV producer and sound editor has expressed 'exasperation' in his struggle to find exactly the right song by seminal German synth pioneers to accompany cycling segment. Quentin Otters-Flange of Rochdale based Hot Pot Productions...
Trump furious to learn Farage isn't 'King of England'

Trump Demands IOC Accept Extreme Vetting Into Next Olympics

Merkin-topped braggart and presidential candidate Donald Trump is demanding that extreme vetting become an accepted Olympic sport.Although media have interpreted his remarks on extreme vetting as a call for immigration control on brown people,...

Costa kicks Conte into touch

Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from a burning effigy of Antonio Conte at the Chelsea training...

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