Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

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Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes...

Lord Sauron announces IOC leadership bid

In a move heralded as a new, cleaner era for the International Olympics Committee Lord Sauron announced announced his candidacy for the presidency of...
Basil Fawlty

Don’t mention the VAR, Germany defeated in Russia, again

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Football fans worldwide embrace each other in collective schadenfreude In their smart new uniforms designed by Hugo Boss, Germany's topsporters had been confident of a...

Huddersfield Town veterans prepared for step up in pace

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Senior members of the Huddersfield Town squad today confirmed that they have no concerns about promotion. “I took some advice about staying fit for...

Surprise as West Ham Fan runs 50 yards on pitch without stopping for fag...

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It has been crowned the greatest sporting achievement at the London Stadium since the 2012 Olympics. There was shock and surprise as a West Ham...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...

Newcastle United fans looking forward to renewed access to match pies and beer

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The Toon Army are rejoicing following the news that Sports Direct Entrepreneur Sweat Shop owner, Mike Ashley, is to sell the Magpies. Realising that he...

Wales Seeks Independence as Gareth Bale Doubles Welsh GDP

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Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.

Team GB to announce Stable Door Shutting as new olympic sport

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Team GB are set to announce that "Stable Door Shutting" will become an Olympic sport, The Rochdale Herald has learned. Following the UK government's announcement...

House of Commons to close for week to hold UK Cat Herding Championships

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Following months of political turmoil in the UK and the shining example of incompetence that is the brexit negotiations, the political landscape is now...

Poppies outraged at being hijacked by intolerable, out of touch band of Nationalists.

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The prima-donna XI, also known as the England National football team, have confirmed that they will take to the pitch against Germany this Friday,...

Fury as EU force England Cricket Team to wear pink caps

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Fury has erupted in the cricketing World as power mad Eurocrats have forced England cricketers into wearing EU coloured pink caps. The Euro-wankers, already quaking...

Trott and Kenny in controversial Team GB breeding program

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Great British track cycling heroes Laura Trott and Jason Kenny, who between them own ten Olympic Gold medals, are to take part in the...
Horse Racing

Horses! Football! And that’s all we have time for!

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And they’re off It’s Ascot in the lead, neck and neck with Sunny Weather, but coming up on the outside it’s Posh Girls Who Look...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

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New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the...

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