Trump furious to learn Farage isn't 'King of England'

Trump Demands IOC Accept Extreme Vetting Into Next Olympics

Merkin-topped braggart and presidential candidate Donald Trump is demanding that extreme vetting become an accepted Olympic sport. Although media have interpreted his remarks on extreme...

ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...

Britain’s first Dog Fighting arena to get go ahead in Rochdale

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The often misunderstood sport of dog fighting will soon move from the underground scene to a purpose-built two-hundred seat arena in Rochdale. With a...
Usain Bolt

Sports Scientists baffled as two guys faster than world’s fastest man

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On Saturday, the world’s favourite sprinter, Usain Bolt ran his last 100m race of his career at the London Stadium. The 30 year old...

Brownlee Brothers win World Three Legged Race Championship

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British superstars Jonny and Alister Brownlee were today crowned world 3 legged triathlon race champions in a nail biting finish in Mexico. Although crossing the...

Real children take it like a man says Eric Bristow

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Overweight, heavy drinking child rape apologist and national embarrassment Eric Bristow has responded to the horrific revelations that young children have been sodomised by a football coach by implying that real children should take it like a man.

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

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Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire...

Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal

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Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function"...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

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Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in...

England football team looking forward to appearing in final of Celebrity Masterchef

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The English football team have confirmed that they're really looking forward to appearing on Celebrity Masterchef next week. Gareth Southgate said, "Our preparations are going...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European...
Patient

Paul Dacre hospitalised with stress after English Muslim cricketer wins man of the match...

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Caught between "Moeen Ali spins England to victory!" and "Fury as Muslim immigrant takes YOUR place in the ENGLAND cricket team", the Daily Mail's...

Costa kicks Conte into touch

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Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from...

Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner

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Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French"...

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