Burnley FC

Police eager to establish if pound coin thrown at Burnley FC player was projectile...

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A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club. The coin missed...

Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...

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Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...

Spanish bullfighters win inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup

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Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in which teams from different countries competed to inflict the maximum...
Boxer hitting punchbag

Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club

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Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He replied when our entertainment correspondent spoke to Paul earlier this week. The...

Mighty England’s thrilling World Cup opener – Yeah right!

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England's opening match of the World Cup campaign was as dull as ditchwater proving that the news of Joe Hart's transfer from Man City to Torino on loan isn't because of his love of...

Media finally find someone who didn’t already think all professional cyclists were on drugs

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Shocking news broke this week that not everyone in the UK considers professional cyclists to be routine drug users. Other media outlets this week revealed that they had found an adult human being with an...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

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Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time. Mourinho has...

Froom wins fourth Tour de Rochdale

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Albert Froom was declared the winner of the Brown Vest yesterday after winning his fourth Tour De Rochdale. The famous bicycle race starts at The Duckworth Arms in Ramsbottom and ends The Bay Horse in...
Millwall Fans

Millwall football fans hail Supreme Court with bricks and bottles after Blair no criminal...

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Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters and thugs rampaged near the high court in London today. "Bliar,...

Fury as EU force England Cricket Team to wear pink caps

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Fury has erupted in the cricketing World as power mad Eurocrats have forced England cricketers into wearing EU coloured pink caps. The Euro-wankers, already quaking at the prospect of an ever more successful looking Brexit,...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

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Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to...
Horse Racing

Britain begins cheap cocaine and animal abuse phase of lockdown easing

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The Government has announced that horse racing can begin again from today.  A spokesman said, "From today people will be able to gather in groups of 6 in their garden and watch the horse racing....
Pole Vaulter

Mexican pole vaulter gold medal prospect training at the Trump Wall

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Mexico - The Mexican Olympic Games committee have revealed that their biggest prospect of a gold medal in two years time at the 2020 Tokyo games lies in a recently discovered pole vaulter discovered...

Brazilian kidnappers fail to understand British man’s relationship with mother-in-law

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Bernie Ecclestone is said to have received the news of his mother-in-law's kidnap with mixed emotions this morning In an exclusive interview with the Rochdale Herald this afternoon he told us; "It's not everyday that you...

Vegan runs Great South Run without telling anybody he’s a vegan

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A vegan has reportedly completed the Great South Run today without feeling the need to tell everyone.

Theresa May pledges to not remain silent on pee in swimming pools

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Prime Minister Theresa May has pledged to not remain silent on the growing problem of pee in swimming pools highlighted in a shock report released earlier this week. "Clearly this something that previous administrations have...

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