News is breaking today that Russia, much to the surprise of the international sporting community actually has an anti-doping laboratory. 

Whistle-blower Grigory Radchenkov, the former head of Russia’s anti-doping laboratory, revealed in an interview with the New York Times that Russia has been using it’s state security apparatus to actively facilitate the doping of Russian athletes. 

The response from the International Olympic Committee was simply; 

“No shit Sherlock.” 

The revelations have a wider implication for the integrity of international sport as Grigory was reportedly heard to say; 

“Seriously if you can run faster or jump higher than a Russian athlete you are either a horse or you’re on something.” 

A state sponsored investigation into allegations of state sponsored doping is underway and Vitaly Mutko, the Russian Minister for Sport says he “feels secure and confident” that no more athletes will be disqualified and is “unwaveringly confident in our report.” 

Precocious14 year old Russian track and field superstar Ivan Ivanovich Ivanovsky
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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.