Sneaky German and part-time Finn Nico Rosberg has pulled off the all-time-shittiest Schoolboy trick by declaring the last goal the winner as the ball was already in the net!

The off-colour one-upmanship trick was pulled by the Arctic/Bavarian Cad as soon as he finally stuck it to his long-term nemesis Lewis Hamilton. After a lifetime, some would say, dedicated to Silver Medals and quietly celebrated “podium finishes” he has done him like a kipper!

By pulling off the driving equivalent of leaving the poker table after winning the biggest hand of the night he leaves Hamilton like a condomless 16 year-old on his girlfriends birthday.

It is believed Rosberg told Hamilton of his decision to retire by messaging him the MC Hammer classic “Can’t Touch This” on a constant loop.

Sneaky, German bastard…..

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.