The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn’t had a go at boxing before.

“I’m pretty shocked actually.” Some bloke who stayed up all night to watch the professional vs amateur fight told us “I really thought that bloke who hadn’t had a go at boxing before would beat that other guy who’s been doing it professionally for ages.”

“What a turn of events!”

One boxing pundit told the Herald “who’d have thought that a world class professional boxing champion could beat a bloke who hasn’t had a go at boxing before? It’s almost as if this whole thing was a scam to get people to pay loads of money to watch it on pay per view.”

One of the “boxers” told us “it’s pretty difficult to be annoyed enough to punch a bloke when you’re making a €100 million dollars.”

“Really what you want you to do is the give the other chap a big hug and say can you believe how much money these mugs are giving us for this!”

Both fighters are said to be thrilled they’ll be allowed to put their shirts back on now with one telling us he’s planning to spend all of the money on more tattoos while the other is going to spend his on another white lion and more prostitutes.

“I can’t wait to get home, fill a bath with Lidl prosecco, hundred dollar bills and hookers and have a nice long chat with the IRS.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.