The English football team have confirmed that they’re really looking forward to appearing on Celebrity Masterchef next week.

Gareth Southgate said, “Our preparations are going well. I’ve about mastered making a Madeleine and Harry Kane has been doing pulled pork for the boys back in the hotel. I think we’re about ready to peak now.”

The new series of Celebrity Masterchef begins on Friday. Many observers were quick to point out that the team aren’t due back from the World Cup until the 16th July when they’ve won the World cup against a bunch one legged, blind cleaners from Bulgaria.

One said, “I can’t see how this series will be going ahead. It’s clear with Russia knocking Spain out and us just having to play some Colombians who didn’t know what a ball was until last weekend that we’ll be making the final. It’s not even as if they’ve got any opposition to play until then. There’s no way they’ll be back until 16th July.”

However, an FA spokesman said, “This will be a great opportunity to capitalize on the success of this World Cup. I attended the victory party over the last weekend and the team are really excellent. They’ll be back on Wednesday afternoon for an open top bus tour of London on Thursday then they can get right down to the serious stuff of competing with the best chefs on TV to win the ultimate prize.”

If any readers are interested in going the England team are due to arrive back at Heathrow on Wednesday afternoon at 13:15.