An actual grown up man has won a really long race around France on a children’s toy.

 The Team Sky rider from Cardiff, Geraint Thomas, became the first Welshman to win something after crossing the line first in Paris on an eleven year old’s Christmas present.

Thomas, 32 not 12, had previously supported other toy enthusiasts Chris Froome and Sir Bradley Wiggins in the completely pointless competition.

“I quite like riding my bike.” Geraint Thomas told The Rochdale Herald. “It’s my favourite.”

“It’s just a shame that we have to do the competition on racers really, I’m more into BMX’s.”

“I can sort of do a wheelie and I can ride with no hands on the handle bars. My dad taught me how to do that. Do you want to watch me do it?”

“My favourite bike has Spokie Dokies on it but they wouldn’t let me ride it because it’s not fast enough apparently.”

“I’m really looking forward to going home and getting a knighthood. Has anybody seen my inhaler, my asthma is really playing up.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.