A man who is suspected of poisoning Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal has had his real identity revealed by a group calling itself Mystery Inc.
The group held a press conference yesterday where they revealed that Ruslan Boshirov’s real identity is Jason Wyatt.
Mr Wyatt, an elderly arcade owner from Novosibirsk said, “I’d have got away with it if it wasn’t for you damn kids.” He made the statement shortly after he had had his rubber mask disguise removed.
It’s understood that Mystery Inc. were contacted by Interpol to investigate the suspects in the poisoning of the Skripal’s. They departed Salisbury and have travelled across Europe in a van called the Mystery Machine following a trail of ever more complicated cryptic clues.
Daphne Blake told us, “It was difficult at first but we realised from the CCTV footage that they were wearing walking gear that you could only buy in one shop in Russia. After that we began heading to Novosibirsk. We had to stop on the way in Minsk and stay in a haunted house which turned out to not be haunted but was actually an elderly roller rink owner from Odessa who was profoundly deaf. With that mystery solved we carried on.”
The gang revealed that they had met the arcade owner when they had filled up with petrol on the outskirts of Novosibirsk. The clinching piece of evidence was a picture of Wyatt meeting Vladimir Putin when the latter awarded him a special medal for his contributions to arcade ownership.
It’s understood that the group’s next mission will be to find the secrets of UK Cathedral architecture buried in the British museum.