A bunch of useful idiots have denied that they are useful idiots today after a series of e-mails seemed to prove that they were in fact useful idiots for the Russian Government.

One of the useful idiots said, “We’re not useful idiots. When I said I only met with that Russian Ambassador once I meant to say 3 times.

It is still 3 isn’t it?

Anyway, I was drunk so can’t remember what was being discussed.” 

The allegations came to light after another useful idiot from America confirmed that he intends to meet Kim Jong Un in an attempt to prove that he’s not a useful idiot. It’s widely believed by many that the attempt will fail and he will end up proving beyond doubt that he is being played like a useful idiot.

A spokesman for the Russian Government said, “These people are easy to play. We just get them drunk, show them a gold mine or two, tell them it’s theirs if they accept our advice on how to do things. They always do. They think they’re very intellectual but in reality we tell them they’re intellectual. That’s why they believe it. Then they do what we want and make out that it’s everyone else who is the idiot not them. The best bit is they have loads of followers who they can recruit too.”

The allegations have led many people to demand that MI5 investigate whether the men are useful idiots or not. One insider said, “It certainly does seem that they’re useful idiots. They all seem to recognize each other as useful idiots and band together. They never seem to criticize Russia too much and they always act in Russia’s national interests. Whereas in the past you had the Cambridge 5 spy ring these ones seem to be the Poundland 5.”

It’s alleged that should the evidence prove that the useful idiots are indeed useful idiots then they will all go and live in the Ecuadorian embassy in London. with another useful idiot.

 

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.