Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Russian Presidential election with 110% of the vote

Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six year terms after securing victory in the Russian "election" today. With almost all of the ballots counted he has received almost 110% of the vote, a shockingly...

Putin starts worrying that he might be a dick

Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly started worrying that he might actually be a bit of a dick. Sources close to Putin have revealed that the Russian leader has recently started asking whether there might...
Trump

Trump says he misspoke when he said Stalin was an excellent strong leader

Donald Trump has said that he misspoke when he described Joseph Stalin as an excellent strong leader. Trump was replying to reporters who sought clarification after Russian sources said Trump had compared Putin favorably to...
Julian Assange

Julian Assange wins FSB employee of the month

Julian Assange has explained that he is happy to be awarded FSB's employee of the month for July award. The Russian secret service organisation said in a statement, "Wikileaks and Mr Assange have been most...
Top Secret

Russian-branded Emperor’s new memo wallets causing security concerns

Two mysterious Russian stationery salesmen are coming under scrutiny tonight as memo wallets they supplied to government departments may not be all they are cracked up to be.  An insider at the office for the...
Boris Johnson

Britain threatens Russia with visit from Boris Johnson

There were extraordinary scenes in Parliament today as Boris Johnson spoke about the suspected poisoning of Sergei Skripal. Mr Johnson said, "If Russian involvement is suspected the Russian Government should expect a robust response from...
Farage in Russian hat

Kremlins useful idiots deny that they’re Kremlins useful idiots

A bunch of useful idiots have denied that they are useful idiots today after a series of e-mails seemed to prove that they were in fact useful idiots for the Russian Government. One of the...

Putin joins America in suffering from Trumpgret

Relations between the US and the Russian Federation have deteriorated since Trump became president, says Vladimir Putin. "Listen, sweetie dahling, I thought rigging the elections would be doing ourselves a favour," Mr Putin told...
Putin MAGA

Putin has confirmed he will run for second term as President of United States

After his self proclaimed "success with that bloated orange puppet" Vladimir Putin has announced that he will seek to control him in a second term. If he completes the next term in full, Putin...
Putin White Denim

Putin to sing ‘This land is my land’ at Eurovision tonight

Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled "This land is my land." The Rochdale Herald can reveal that the song...
Pathologist

Not being liked by Vladimir Putin IS natural causes, confirms coroner

The UK police have admitted that perhaps they had jumped to a hasty conclusion after coroners concluded that a Russian businessman who strangled himself to death and then hanged himself actually died of natural...
Vladimir

Plucky underdog wins Russian Presidential election against all odds

Vladimir 'Don't call this a comeback, I've been here before' Putin has surprised not only the people but himself by winning the race to the Kremlin after capturing over 110% of the vote in...

Trump presidency result of Putin prank phone call

Russian President and superstar house elf, Vladimir Putin, has revealed that the whole Trump/Russia thing is a prank that went too far. "Trump come to us and say I spy for you and you win...
Sergei Lavrov

Sergei Lavrov Trump’s ‘Top Choice’ for new FBI Director

Sources within the Trump administration have downplayed rumours that Russian diplomat Sergei Lavrov is in the running to become the next Director of the FBI. Lavrov, who was appointed Russia’s Foreign Minister in 2004, is...
Chernobyl

Chernobyl rejects proposal to twin towns with Rochdale

The Ukrainian town of Chernobyl has rejected a proposal to twin with Rochdale, a spokesman for Rochdale council confirmed to the Herald. The town shot to fame in the mid 1980s when still located...

Salisbury poisoning suspect revealed to be elderly arcade owner from Scooby Doo

A man who is suspected of poisoning Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal has had his real identity revealed by a group calling itself Mystery Inc. The group held a press conference yesterday where they revealed...

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