The families of all seven Russian Presidential candidates have been returned safely after the totally unexpected landslide victory for Vladimir Putin.

Today Vladimir Putin has succeeded in his third run for the presidency with 110% share of the vote.

In the run up to the Russian presidential elections, the seven other candidates were hand picked by Putin for there political unremarkability and their concern for the personal safety welfare of their families.

The presidential elections started during the winter, with each stooge submitting their candidacy along with their spouse and first born child to the Kremlin by January 31st.

“I’m very happy with the relatively small amount of violence neccessary for my third term as Russian presidency” said Putin in his victory speech 30 minutes before the result was announced.

“It only required the removal of a few teeth and a small example of the effects of nerve agent to convince all my chosen candidates to both run and fail in the election.”

It is believed the families of the candidates we released with pretty much the same amount of fingers and toes as they had before the election.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.