Vladimir Putin will lead Russia for another six year terms after securing victory in the Russian “election” today.

With almost all of the ballots counted he has received almost 110% of the vote, a shockingly low turnout for Mr Putin according to the central “election” commission.

The main opposition leader, Alexei Nevalny, was barred from the running in the “election”, because that’s how “democracy” works in Russia.

Shockingly Mr Nevalny was bundled into a police van in January in front of BBC reporters and quickly tried and found guilty of embezzlement. The Rochdale Herald were surprised to learn that this disqualifies him from being the President of Russia.

Addressing a rally in Moscow after the early results were declared, Mr Putin said voters, both the ones who are alive and the ones who are dead but still on the electoral role had:

“Recognised the achievements of the last few years, particularly our ability to change laws to label critics of the president as extremists and terrorists.”

The scale of the victory, which had been widely predicted by a marked decrease in his share of the vote from 150% of all of the people who are currently alive in Russia to only 110%.

His campaign team said it was an “incredible victory”.

“The percentage that we have just seen speaks for itself. It’s a mandate which Putin needs for future decisions. It’s amazing once again Mr Putin has been endorsed by more than all of the people who were eligible to vote for him.”

“This is clearly another great day for democracy.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.