Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) is alleged to be thrilled at being awarded the Russian Government’s lifetime achievement award.

Zoya Feedosev, Russian envoy to Rochdale said, “The Government wanted to recognise Mr Farage’s contribution to its foreign policy aims. Brexit has probably weakened the EU so that we’ll be able to roll tanks into Poland without too much issue.

“Weakening the UK economy means they’ll have to cut back on things like defence and Nato contributions. Getting the British Government to pay £57bn for the privilege whilst simultaneously convincing British people that it was their patriotic duty was simply gravy.

“This will allow us much easier access to the Arctic Circle and the massive oil reserves that lie beneath it. With this access we will be able to charge the UK even more for oil and gas. And we have Mr Farage to thank.”

The award was initially going be presented by Julian Assange but the Australian has been busy appealing the £1.5m his camper van has accrued in parking fines and doesn’t have the time.

Instead It’s rumoured that Vladimir Putin will take time out from his busy schedule of topless hunting to present Mr Farage the award in Moscow. It’s understood that the award includes a free copy of Vladimir Putin’s own dvd, ‘Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin.’

Mr Farage is rumoured to be the first foreigner to win the award. Donald Trump is rumoured to have turned down last years as he didn’t have time to do the photo shoot.

Something Mr Putin told him not to worry about as he already has a video of Trump in a Moscow hotel.