Vladimir ‘Don’t call this a comeback, I’ve been here before’ Putin has surprised not only the people but himself by winning the race to the Kremlin after capturing over 110% of the vote in what was in essence, an eight horse race.

The only major difference being that the other seven are not allowed to win, and the one horse that could’ve given Putin a run for his money, wasn’t allowed to run after being caught with his fingers in the biscuit tin containing party funds, said the Kremlin earlier today.

“I’m shocked, dumbfounded and slightly emotional” admitted and upbeat President after the results were announced, cementing his place in history.

‘”I am grateful to the great Russian people who know when they’ve got it good, they’ve got it real good and who are with me on this journey to make Russia great again.”

There was then what seemed like a very long pause before Putin started laughing and started much very nervous backslapping when everyone finally realised this was joke and started laughing also, yes. T

he turnout was up on 2012 as was Putin’s share of the vote. “This makes me very happy announced the new President, ‘I have six more years to try and win the rest of the electorate over.”

I am surprised that a rival candidate managed 12% of the vote. My first job as President is to find out who the 1 in 8 are and why they voted for a millionaire communist. “We have much talking to do, yes. Spasi Bog!”