Russia today announced suprise plans to enter the Eurovision song contest tonight. The Russian entry is to be sung by Vladimir Putin and is entitled “This
land is my land.”

The Rochdale Herald can reveal that the song has been written by Mr Putin and contains such verses as, ” This land is my land, this land is my land from the Danube to Nikolskoye Island.”

The performance will feature Mr Putin dressed in traditional dress and will be shot in soft focus. Mr Putin will be pointing to a map and meeting various dancers dressed as various Russian people such as Crimean Tatars.”

On hearing the song, the Woody Guthrie Foundation was quick to point out the striking resemblance of the song to Guthrie’s “This land is your land.” They have even asked President Trump to take the matter up with Mr Putin personally. In a statement a spokesruskie for the Kremlin told the Herald, “We refute entirety, these baseless accusations. The Woody Guthrie Foundation should respect our song. Complaining to President Trump won’t work. We hear he is in the shower.”

A spokesman for the song contest was more upbeat saying, “It’s good that Russia is going to compete. Such a large following for Eurovision in Russia would have been missed. To have such an endorsement from Mr Putin is excellent as well. For some here, the song is reminiscent of the 1974 Portuguese entry, E depois do Adeus which came joint last with Switzerland and Norway. The song was, however, the only song in Eurovision history credited with starting a revolution. The Carnation Revolution against Estado Novo regime of Marcelo Caetano.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.