• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Chemical Attack was fake news says Asshat

Bashir Assad has denied an attack on Khan Sheikhoun ever took place. “The attack was a fiction of the Western press,” said the Syrian leader who previously said by proxy that it was an attack...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.
angry old woman

Islamic State recruitment in crisis after Imam reveals martys actually get nineteen 72 year...

Islamic State have revealed they've had to enlist the help of a management consultancy company, Sunni side of the street, following a drop in recruitment. A member of the consultancy told the Herald that the...

People of Aleppo not quite white enough

European leaders have come together to stress how upset they are that the people of Aleppo have ever so slightly funny coloured skin and foreign accents and therefore not entitled to help from western...

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...

Britain plans Brexit trade deal ‘perverts for peace’

Following the embarrassment of the spectacular failure of a hideously expensive program to rehabilitate sex offenders, Ministry of Justice officials are arranging study visits to Middle-Eastern countries to learn new methods  to prevent reoffending,...

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of some shiny trinkets. Loud wailing could be heard echoing through the...
Arab men laughing

Historic ruling means Saudi men finally allowed to make women driver jokes

Equality campaigners were today celebrating as Saudi Arabia made a long-overdue change to its oppressive rules which prevent men from making jokes about women's driving. King Salman's decree, which is due to become law by...

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced to give birth on a stable floor. Mary told...

Trump disappointed Agrabah is nothing like it is in the movie

The POTUS sent a series of Tweets earlier about his visit to Saudi Arabia, after securing a $110 billion arms deal. The leader of the notoriously extreme kleptocracy, famous for human rights violations, sat down with King...

Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain's greatest wartime leader Tony Blair. The surprising rediscovery was made in an interview with...
Blair Middle East Refugees

The Middle East starts packing as Blair hints at return to politics

The Oxford English definition of irony, former Middle East Peace Envoy, Tony Blair, suggested a political return may be on the cards in a magazine interview published earlier today. The comments came in reference to...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces sanctions on Isle of Aran

Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in his Hull constituency. In a statement the Foreign Office...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

Spirit of 2016 alive and well after gunman dressed as Santa kills dozens in...

2017 is already showing great promise as a dreadful, awful parody of a year following a shootout between police officers possibly disguised as Santa Claus and a gunman disguised as Santa Claus in Turkey.

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