Middle-East

• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Stag Do

ISIS leader admits 2014 invasion was just a stag do that ‘got a bit...

WITHIN THE LAST HOUR the leader of the so-called Islamic State group, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, has issued a statement admitting that the whole thing was just a stag party dare "that got a bit out...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...
Justice

Britain plans Brexit trade deal ‘perverts for peace’

Following the embarrassment of the spectacular failure of a hideously expensive program to rehabilitate sex offenders, Ministry of Justice officials are arranging study visits to Middle-Eastern countries to learn new methods  to prevent reoffending,...

Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain's greatest wartime leader Tony Blair. The surprising rediscovery was made in an interview with...

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...

Christmas moved to November 12th

Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

People of Aleppo not quite white enough

European leaders have come together to stress how upset they are that the people of Aleppo have ever so slightly funny coloured skin and foreign accents and therefore not entitled to help from western...

Gassing orphans is wrong says woman who prefers to starve them

Theresa May's regime has roundly condemned the Assad Regime's actions in Syria by saying it was wrong to use Sarin Gas on orphaned children. "It was just wrong to use Sarin Gas to kill orphaned...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...

ISIS Propose Christmas Cease-Fire Kickabout

ISIS troops fighting around the city of Palmyra have suggested that hostilities be put aside for a few hours at Christmas for an informal game of football with opposing ground forces.

Missile strike in Syria; mass outpouring of grief from OneDirection fans

Following the disastrous US missile strike in Syria yesterday which claimed the lives of 57 civilians including 11 children, teenagers and young adults around the world have taken to social media in their hundreds...
Blair Middle East Refugees

The Middle East starts packing as Blair hints at return to politics

The Oxford English definition of irony, former Middle East Peace Envoy, Tony Blair, suggested a political return may be on the cards in a magazine interview published earlier today. The comments came in reference to...
Kardashian

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of some shiny trinkets. Loud wailing could be heard echoing through the...

Women remain underrepresented amongst Taliban leadership

It has been revealed that women remain underrepresented amongst the leadership of the Afghan terrorist group the Taliban. An internal review carried out by the Taliban, and leaked to the media, shows that at...

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