Middle-East

• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Man laughing

Comedians Safe To Call Erdogan A Farthead

Comedians and satirists heaved a sigh of relief today as the prosecution of German comic Jan Böhmermann bubble Erdogan was dropped."Finally! Finally! Finally!" said Lancashire comedian and satirist Noah Mentit, "I've really missed mocking...
Toffee pennies

Campaign to send 58 million toffee pennies to Syria

Overseas aid charity, Feed the World, has launched a campaign to collect everyone's unwanted Christmas 'treats' and send them to Syria and other war-torn countries."Coffee creams, orange ones and them God awful strawberry ones,...

People of Aleppo not quite white enough

European leaders have come together to stress how upset they are that the people of Aleppo have ever so slightly funny coloured skin and foreign accents and therefore not entitled to help from western...
angry old woman

Islamic State recruitment in crisis after Imam reveals martys actually get nineteen 72 year...

Islamic State have revealed they've had to enlist the help of a management consultancy company, Sunni side of the street, following a drop in recruitment.A member of the consultancy told the Herald that the...
Arab men laughing

Historic ruling means Saudi men finally allowed to make women driver jokes

Equality campaigners were today celebrating as Saudi Arabia made a long-overdue change to its oppressive rules which prevent men from making jokes about women's driving.King Salman's decree, which is due to become law by...

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets.The move comes after revelations that the CIA and GCHQ have hacked into the...

Turkish voters refuse to believe Erdogan a dictator till they see it written on...

Turkish voters across the country are still refusing to believe that Erdogan is an autocratic dictator despite the fact that he's locked up all the opposition journalists."We need to see it on a big...

Boris Johnson backtracks after accidentally telling truth about Saudi Arabia

After Boris Johnson was recorded last week saying that countries such as Iran and Saudi Arabia often fight proxy wars in the Middle East over who’s the most pious and loving of a magic...

Chemical Attack was fake news says Asshat

Bashir Assad has denied an attack on Khan Sheikhoun ever took place.“The attack was a fiction of the Western press,” said the Syrian leader who previously said by proxy that it was an attack...

Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic

Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain’s greatest wartime leader Tony Blair.The surprising rediscovery was made in an interview with...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus.“We’ve been happily...
Kardashian

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of some shiny trinkets.Loud wailing could be heard echoing through the...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.  This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft.General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...

Boris meant Saudis are awesome says Defence Secretary Michael Fallon

Boris Johnson’s words on Saudi Arabia and other Middle East powers were misreported, according to a clearly desperate Defence Secretary Sir Mr Michael of Fallon.

Christmas moved to November 12th

Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December.The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...

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