Middle-East

• Mullets are illegal in Iran • In 2007, Iran arrested 14 squirrels for spying • 70% of Iran’s science and engineering students are not men, but women • Most of the Islamic world mourned and condemned the 9-11 attacks, including Turkey half-masting all flags and Iran holding candlelight vigils • As a man, you can be arrested in Iran for wearing shorts • Iran tried to get into the Guinness book of Records in 2008 by making the world’s largest sandwich, but people started eating it before it could be officially measured so they failed •

Mary forced to give birth on stable floor after health insurance refuses to cover...

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A woman that claims she's about to give birth to the son of God has told the Herald, about how she is being forced to give birth on a stable floor. Mary told us, "I...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

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So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...
Arab men laughing

Historic ruling means Saudi men finally allowed to make women driver jokes

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Equality campaigners were today celebrating as Saudi Arabia made a long-overdue change to its oppressive rules which prevent men from making jokes about women's driving. King Salman's decree, which is due to become law by...

Jeremy Corbyn reveals plan to become Iranian Ayatollah

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In a surprising announcement, Jeremy Corbyn has said he plans to become Ayatollah in a bid to replace Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in Iran. A spokesman said, "Iran is a country with a young population. Since...

The only chemicals you can kills kids with are high explosives and white phosphorus,...

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Following the outcry over the alleged chemical weapons attacks in Syria, the Pentagon have confirmed that the only legal chemicals you can use to kill children are high explosives and white phosphorus. “We’ve been happily...

Abu Hamza to be welcomed back to the UK with State Visit

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Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury extremists that can benefit from such an honour. Downing Street...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson backtracks after accidentally telling truth about Saudi Arabia

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After Boris Johnson was recorded last week saying that countries such as Iran and Saudi Arabia often fight proxy wars in the Middle East over who's the most pious and loving of a magic...
Stag Do

ISIS leader admits 2014 invasion was just a stag do that ‘got a bit...

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WITHIN THE LAST HOUR the leader of the so-called Islamic State group, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, has issued a statement admitting that the whole thing was just a stag party dare "that got a bit out...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

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The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...
Blair Middle East Refugees

The Middle East starts packing as Blair hints at return to politics

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The Oxford English definition of irony, former Middle East Peace Envoy, Tony Blair, suggested a political return may be on the cards in a magazine interview published earlier today. The comments came in reference to...

Picture yourself in their shoes

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A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Christmas moved to November 12th

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Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December. The decision was taken soon after Bumberling Boris decided to flex...
Missiles flying into sky

Russia to shoot down all planes in Syrian airspace, including their own

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This morning Russia released an announcement stating that any and all aircraft entering Syrian airspace will be immediately shot down without warning.   This, apparently, includes Russia's own military aircraft. General Yuri Bigbangskivich, spokesman for the...

Spirit of 2016 alive and well after gunman dressed as Santa kills dozens in...

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2017 is already showing great promise as a dreadful, awful parody of a year following a shootout between police officers possibly disguised as Santa Claus and a gunman disguised as Santa Claus in Turkey.
Toffee pennies

Campaign to send 58 million toffee pennies to Syria

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Overseas aid charity, Feed the World, has launched a campaign to collect everyone's unwanted Christmas 'treats' and send them to Syria and other war-torn countries. "Coffee creams, orange ones and them God awful strawberry ones,...
angry old woman

Islamic State recruitment in crisis after Imam reveals martys actually get nineteen 72 year...

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Islamic State have revealed they've had to enlist the help of a management consultancy company, Sunni side of the street, following a drop in recruitment. A member of the consultancy told the Herald that the...

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