Tony Blair yesterday announced that he intended to fill a massive hole and that after that he’d return to British politics.

In an interview he described Theresa May as “that fucking usless woman” and Jeremy Corbyn as a “senile old ball sack incapable of running a bath let alone the country.”

The announcement struck terror into the hearts of plastic Islamists, ISIS aka IS, Isil, Daesh or ‘them barbaric beheading bastards’. Either way they need to sack their marketing jihadi.

Immortal ISIS leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi who The Daily Express reported as dying in a drone strike in January then dying in a drone strike in March before dying again by a further drone strike in October said;

“America, Britain or Russia, we fear no one, but that sadistic bastard is a different story. You get me bruv?”

He continued;

“If you think we’re hanging around here for him you’ve got another thing coming.  We don’t want him bringing his peace here.”

On learning of the fear that Blair instills into ISIS, British intelligence services are now perpetuating the myth that Blair is due to become the British PM again. 

A spokesman for MI5 said;

“This could be the greatest weapon we have against Isil. If they think Blair is PM  we predict that they’ll be defeated within a week without one shot being fired.”