Bashir Assad has denied an attack on Khan Sheikhoun ever took place.

“The attack was a fiction of the Western press,” said the Syrian leader who previously said by proxy that it was an attack on rebel chemical stores.

“We would never use the chemical weapons that we do not have!”

Mr Asshat continued: “Obviously Donald Trump’s administration that did not want to get involved and has gone out of its way to not piss off the Russians cooked up this whole thing to… er…Actually that doesn’t make sense, does it? It wasn’t us though!”

Russian news media covered Asslad’s statements saying:

“Just as we always said, this attack was faked. We always said that and any memory you might have of us claiming something completely different until an hour ago is obviously proof that American propaganda is poisoning your mind. We have always been at war with Eurasia.”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.