Dickensian child, “Tiny” Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional.
His father, Robert Cratchitt, has condemned the decision, insisting his son’s age and disability should qualify him for support. However increasingly tight regulations have deemed Tim able bodied and old enough for full time employment.
Following the decision the Cratchitt family have had little choice but to send Tim to one of the government’s recently established Poorhouses Plus where the child will be put to work.
Despite backlash, the Conservative party have defended their controversial decision to reintroduce poorhouses as an alternative to Universal Credit. They insist that the move has seen huge cuts to unemployment figures, an achievement they suggest has been made possible by abolishing the “restrictive” human rights laws previously imposed by the EU.
Mr Cratchitt told the Herald, “It’s like the government don’t care about the poor and needy. I only earn 15 shillings a week to support my wife and six children. What we need is a reasonable living wage but it doesn’t look like that’s ever going to happen. We’re not even sure Tim will make it to Christmas.”
Local business owner and employer, Ebenezer Scrooge, has described the ruling as “a bit much.” He admitted, “I have a reputation around here for being a miser but even I wouldn’t knowingly let a young boy work himself to death with no healthcare. I would suggest a few festive spirits that the current government should meet but I worry they’re too far gone.”
However, not everyone is against the decision. Right wing commentators have been quick to support the government, insisting that poor people aren’t owed anything. Many have suggested that Mr Cratchitt should never have had children he couldn’t afford in the first place, while others claimed it was necessary to “decrease the surplus population.”
Today also marks the anniversary of the murder of equal rights activist Oliver Twist who was beaten to death as a Communist for suggesting orphans get more gruel.
Charles Dickens, notorious creator of paupers, declined comment.