Police have attended an incident in Rochdale today after numerous concerned calls reported a far-right mob assembled in the town centre.
Attending officers would like to reassure the public that rigorous testing has found the so-called mob to in fact be the result of a split bag of pork scratchings.
A spokesman for the Met Police issued a statement explaining the situation:
“Upon arriving at the incident, trained officers attempted to ‘kettle’ the mob to minimise aggression. After roughly thirty minutes one of the attending constables noticed the group were unusually quiet and lacking in flags. Upon closer inspection and DNA swabs we can confirm that the group were in fact a discarded packet of Mr Porky’s original pork scratchings.”
This is one of many similar incidents in recent months and police are now urging the public to be extra vigilant. Guidelines will be published online to help concerned citizens differentiate between salty pork lumps and the popular bar snack.
Salty, misshapen and often accompanied by lager, the EDL have denied any similarities with the snack.