Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.

There’s been a lot of speculation about how Prince Charles and Trump would get on given that they have divergent views on matters such as the environment, with Prince Charles thinking that turning into the Earth into an uninhabited toxic desert incapable of supporting life is probably bad idea.

“Prince Charles has spent quite a lot of time talking to vegetables in the greenhouse at Highgrove House over the years. Obviously he’s going to have to dumb things down a little when he talks to Donald Trump, or POTATUS as the Secret Service call him, because his vocabulary isn’t as good as your average common garden root vegetable. But we expect he’ll muddle by.”

“Talking to Trump is very similar to talking to a plum tomato, while it doesn’t really understand what you’re saying it might respond to your tone of voice. It’s scientifically unproven that’s the case with Donald, but Charles’s plums are looking pretty good this year so it’s worth a shot.”

Donald Trump is said to be looking forward to seeing Charles and hopes he’ll include Purple Rain in his set.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.