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The first fatality caused by the price increase on alcohol in Scotland was announced this morning. Ian McCreedy aged 42 died at his local hospital in Dundee yesterday afternoon after drinking a WHOLE glass...

Hairy scrotum faced narcissist and entrepreneur, Lord Sugar, has launched his annual challange to find the UK's biggest arsehole after himself. The one time Klingon cameo actor will spend the next 10 weeks firing people...

Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring sold-out village halls as a 'solo artist', took to Twitter...

Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft...

As hillbillies, rednecks and evangelical Christian right wing crackpots continue to celebrate the last thrashings of America's hold on reality with their ongoing support for Pinochet-a-like Donald Trump as he breaks orbit from the...

A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman for adultery for the first time next week. Fatima Hummus told...

Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip. However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an ATOS work capability assessment. "He's able to walk, talk and use his...

A woman from Rochdale has admitted that she doesn't really like Earl Grey tea because it tastes horrible. Winifred Barbarella from Milnrow (35 and three quarters), who wishes to remain anonymous, is an unemployed personal...

In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Crabb Green, said; "This is a fantastic opportunity...

Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK. Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider...

The so-called "President" of the United States has ordered the CIA release all of the files relating to the attempted assassination of Texan oil baron JR Ewing more than 37 years after the incident. The...

It's all over social media that an unemployed mother on state benefits, who already has two kids, is knocked up yet again.

A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back that they lent to students. Graham Barnsley, a manager at the...

Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go in the blue one. Crisp aficionado Stan Still said, "Why do...

Riot police had to be called to a Rochdale Asda today following a bout of civil disorder. Heavy discounts meant customers could purchase trolleys for £1. A Black Friday sale on trolleys saw customers fighting...

Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in his Hull constituency. In a statement the Foreign Office...