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Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it received an outstanding Ofsted review. Saint Lucifer's in Middleton, an Official...

The Democratic Unionist Party has offered to support Theresa May's minority government on the condition that she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse, according to a Government source. Following a disastrous general election for the...

A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out of hand. Herr Gruber was pronounced dead at the scene after...

Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip. However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an ATOS work capability assessment. "He's able to walk, talk and use his...

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...

The alarm was raised today after BBC documentary maker and explorer Professor Robert Falcon failed to emerge from Oldham after missing his rendezvous with the armoured extraction convoy, the 48 bus, by three hours. The...

A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening by bringing Kraft Slices as his artisanal choice. Northerner Gerry Ramsbuttocks...

Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally. Previously well respected veteran broadcaster, John Craven, was issued with a fixed penalty...

Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under any circumstances. "I'm catholic, and according to my beliefs abortion is...

A man who owns a solid gold living room reportedly told one hundred million of his closest friends that he doesn't pay Tax in case the government squanders it. Mr Drumpf from New York has...

Ryanair CEO Michael O-Leary is in the crosshairs again today amidst allegations that he hit an asian doctor around the back of the head with a blackjack and forcibly dragged him aboard a Ryanair...

The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.

An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her long-term imaginary friend and not the democratic wishes of the...

Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.

Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on the top deck of a bus because somebody...

The Department of Justice has confirmed that if and when Donald Trump is indicted for colluding with Russia during the 2016 Presidential election he will have to stand trial as an adult. The U.S. Department...