Homeless man turns life around after being told to ‘get a job’

3
53 year old Gulf war veteran, Ian Stapleton, had been living rough on the streets of Manchester for the last seven years. The heroic soldier ended up homeless and turned to alcohol after his marriage...
Old Graduate

University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots

83
Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet. A lower-level investigation is planned in Swanley's School of Hard Knocks. Mr Teachers...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

1
The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

44
When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

0
A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The thicko had previously claimed he couldn't do the debate because...
Christmas Celebrations

The Big Fat Secret Santa – 10,000 presents worth £70,000 for kids in poverty!

0
Incredibly our appeal to buy gifts for children in poverty this year has secured more than 10,000 presents worth more than £70,000 in the last two weeks. Literally thousands of children who would otherwise have...
Sturgeon

Will of the Scottish People Revealed to be Sturgeon’s Imaginary Friend

10
An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her long-term imaginary friend and not the democratic wishes of the...

Piers Morgan killed in chip pan fire

0
In breaking news Piers Morgan has burned to death in a devasting chip pan fire in a static caravan at Hollingsworth Lake Caravan Park

Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit

0
Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

0
Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes the day before England face off against Sweden in the...
Mrs Brown's Boys

Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts

0
Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The Rochdale Herald has learned of more allegations in relation to...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee

0
Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside the Big Brother household at around 6pm this evening for...

Only 6 sleeps until poppy day, fascist children told

0
The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said, "Poppy day is my favourite day of the year. I...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

23
Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these prices they must all be bloody rich as Croesus.  Let's...
Trump Flag

All soldiers know what they are signing up for, that’s why I dodged the...

0
The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months. Allegations about his lack of virility have been defended by scores of women...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

0
Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit or the Governments. A spokesman for the Labour Party told us,...

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