Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”

DUP offer to support May if she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse

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The Democratic Unionist Party has offered to support Theresa May's minority government on the condition that she kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse, according...
London Underground Train

Panicked London train commuters force open doors and flee onto tracks after friendly northerner...

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London commuters forced open the doors of a packed rush hour tube train yesterday bringing the train to a complete standstill and causing power...

Donald Trump hires Hugo Boss to design new ‘Cabinet Uniform’

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The controversial decision to hire Hugo Boss was openly discussed by The President-elect, Donald J. Trump, on Good Morning America yesterday during a catwalk...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab warns against travel to Iran and other Scandinavian countries

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The foreign secretary Dominic Raab has warned British nationals not to travel to Iran or any other Scandinavian countries following last week's US airstrikes...
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

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News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that...

Thousands gather in North Yorkshire to see world’s first completely empty Biro

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There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their...
Zizzi

Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review

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Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month. Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

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The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...
Rees Mogg

Rees-Mogg puts his clock back 200 years

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years. His Butler, Riff Raff told us,...

Thousands of Leave voters dead after do not drink labels removed from bottles of...

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Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules,...
Theresa May

Theresa May to raise voting age to 35

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Senior Tory advisors, still reeling from Thursday's disastrous election result which provided a hung parliament, are said today to be telling the prime minister Theresa May that something serious has to be done about Britain's broken electoral system.
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

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The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President...

Man thrown out of vegan cult for wearing donkey jacket

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There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

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A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

Man kills woman

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A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...

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