Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

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It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could...

Melania Trump faces criticism for wearing “Exterminate” t-shirt to Holocaust Memorial

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Melania Trump is faces yet more criticism today after wearing a Dalek’s t-shirt during a visit to the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin.
Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

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News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that...
The Queen

Queen announces Prince Harry will become King of the USA following wedding to Meghan...

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The Queen has announced that she exercise her right to crown Prince Harry and Meghan Markle King and Queen of the USA. During the announcement...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

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A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in...
Cat

Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...

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Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

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Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

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Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

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Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline...

ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

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So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

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Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

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Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring...
Nurses

NHS crisis averted after 33,500 nurses found down back of sofa

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Whitehall: There has been widespread relief around the UK after reports that the deepening staffing crisis in the NHS has been averted after tens...
Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey records shock cover of Dead Kennedy’s ‘Nazi Punks Fuck Off’ in support...

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Born again Christian pop singer and self styled "voice of the MTV generation" Mariah Carey, has sent shock waves through tin pan alley with...
Wasps

Wasps are little shits, confirm scientists

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After years of study, it has finally been confirmed by scientists from the Special Training Institute North Grimsby, that wasps serve no useful purpose...

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