Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS
The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.
Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled.
The news comes after many...
Sanctimonious tax avoiding ex-pat hands back key to city he doesn’t live in for...
London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin.
Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays...
Walkers still putting cheese and onion crisps in wrong coloured bag
Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go...
Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out
A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on...
Unemployed mother on benefits knocked up AGAIN
It's all over social media that an unemployed mother on state benefits, who already has two kids, is knocked up yet again.
Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn
Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in...
ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts
So called 'Islamic State' have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.
A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast
Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland.
The man, a...
Shop selling stuff people don’t buy goes into administration, again
People in Rochdale have been speaking of the shock at discovering HMV has collapsed again. Many thought it had gone bust years ago.
Stan...
Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor
Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.
Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island
Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today.
Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have...
Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding
Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers
London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...
Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat
Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.
There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...
The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have...
