Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders
It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped...
Season 9 of The Walking Dead to be filmed in Burnley Asda
The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley.
Benny...
Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper
A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...
Met Office alert after sighting of Geordie woman wearing jacket in Newcastle
The Met Office has issued an almost unprecedented weather warning this evening after it was reported a woman was spotted on a night out in Newcastle city centre wearing a jacket.
Corbyn stuns Glastonbury with acapella cover of Prodigy’s Firestarter on Pyramid Stage
Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'.
Corbyn...
OUTRAGE as Middle Eastern immigrant cast as Mary in school nativity play
A Rochdale primary school has come under fire from parents for casting a 9 year old Palestinian immigrant as the virgin Mary in the...
US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...
Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the...
Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan
Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan.
A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...
Chaos on Cambridge roads after Sat Navs hold minute silence for Stephen Hawking
There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of...
People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes.
"People who 'tell it like it...
Thousands of Leave voters dead after do not drink labels removed from bottles of...
Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules,...
Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting
Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.
Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys ‘Too Drunk To F*ck’ at Trump Inauguration
In a last ditch attempt to find a "celebrity" to perform at Trump's Inauguration Scottish songstress and Britain's Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle (aka...
Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled.
The news comes after many...
Passengers of runaway train have pointless argument over who should pretend they’re driving
May means May
Passengers on the 11:12 Eurostar return to Britain have had a pointless argument over who is driving. The train, which is rapidly...
Northern supermarket to trial hummus
News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021.
It is thought that...
