Man kills woman

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A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...
Guns for sale

Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says country with a mass shootings problem

80
A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...

Trump adds Germany to Travel Ban after hostages taken at Nakatomi Tower

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Donald Trump has added the populations of Germany and Austria to his controversial travel ban after hearing reports that terrorists have taken hostages at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles, again.
Southern Rail

After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England

16
Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...

Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

2
News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.
organ donors

Everybody who needs new kidney to get one as fair weather motorcyclists venture outside

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The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their...
Empty bus seats

Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation

30
In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...
Michael Gove

Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves

16
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

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The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...
Tony Blair tattoo

Tony Blair reveals ‘only God can judge me’ tattoo

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Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only...
Kitten lab

Earth isn’t flat, cats would have pushed everything off edge by now if it...

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Scientists around the World have finally conceded that the Earth is most probably not a completely flat disc after all. Research conducted at the University...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

2
Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

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Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in...

BBC bans racist song White Christmas

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The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned. Spokeswoman for the perpetually...

Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out

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A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on...
Vicki Pollard

Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper

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A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...

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