The Kennel club released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don’t own a dog but go for a daily walk are a bit weird, probably up to something and should be approached with caution.

“I have to walk my dog three times a day and it’s a bit shit to be honest.” Brian McLeash Chairman of The Kennel Club told The Herald.

“Who goes for a walk in the rain when they don’t have to? Weirdos that’s who.”

A scientific survey conducted by The Herald concluded that at least 95% of all people who regularly go for a walk but don’t own a dog might be perverts, burglars, muggers or hammer wielding murderers.

“At the very least they’re like those weirdos who try to talk to you on the bus. The important thing is to not make eye contact with them. You’ll only encourage them and they might end up murdering you.”

Famous people who liked to go for a long walk without a dog include Myra Hindley, Peter Sutcliffe, Jack the Ripper, The Zodiac Killer and Ranulph Fiennes.

The survey concluded that there’s nothing more disconcerting than being followed around a drizzly field at dusk by a damp and lonely labradorless middle-aged bloke on a Tuesday.

The Kennel Club were quick to assure the public that not ALL people who are outside without a dog are dangerous lunatics only most and that many are just popping to the shops for a pint of milk and some rope.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.