Cyclist

Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis

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A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...
Riot Police

Corner shop owner lynched by mob in Rochdale after caught selling Yorkshire Tea

11
Marge Riley, 74, was confronted by an angry mob of local residents who objected to her display of Yorkshire Teas. “I just wanted to give...
Pest Control

In London you’re never more than 6ft from a Tory Party leadership candidate, study...

The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate? It's a saying that seems almost...

In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless

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Albion; pleasant, fair and green In the year of our Lord, 2020 Dragons were few and seldom seen, Yet poor folk were a plenty   Though dragons were vanquished...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

70
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

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Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...

Home Worker facing HR disciplinary hearing after sexually assaulting himself at work Christmas Party

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A home worker from Rochdale is facing a disciplinary hearing today after he allegedly sexually assaulted himself after getting drunk at his office Christmas...
Empty bus seats

Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation

30
In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...

‘One is married to Philip’ Queen reminds Public who think Trump too racist for...

6
Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling wins Turner Prize for dystopian work “Railway Timetable in May”

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The Turner Prize committee has announced that this year's prize will be awarded to Chris Grayling for his dystopian work, "Railway Timetable in May". A...
Fidget Spinners

Fidget Spinners useful to distract children from the bleak reality of future under Conservatives

4
The latest craze sweeping the nation and captivating kids of all ages is the fidget spinner. Originally designed to aid development, coordination, dexterity and to...
Donald Trump

Too soon since last mass shooting and not long enough before next one to...

0
In the wake of the latest mass shooting in a bar in Ohio that has claimed the lives of at least 9 people The White...

Emergency ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ cabinets to be installed in every American classroom by 2020

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The US Department of Education has revealed plans to install emergency 'Thoughts and Prayers' cabinets in every school classroom by the year 2020. The announcement...
England Fans

SHOCK as England fans vote 52 to 48 to LEAVE the World Cup

There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the...

Next Call of Duty to be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales

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The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be...

People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes

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Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it...

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