Government appoints Franz Kafka as new Head of Test and Trace service
Following reports that some people around the UK have been able to get a Coronavirus test the government has appointed the Bohemian novelist Franz...
Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says country with a mass shootings problem
A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...
Britain First’s Paul Golding and the EDL’s Ian Crossland announce engagement
Shock today as Britain First leader Paul Golding announced he is to marry EDL chief, Ian Crossland.
Although the pair often claim to support gay...
Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat
Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter
A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday.
Black Friday has been...
What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack
It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival
Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment.
"If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these...
Britain First blame Foreigner for it being Cold As Ice
We don't care if you've heard this joke before, because for us, it Feels Like The First Time.
Dirty White Boy fan club Britain First...
World in shock as man with history of taking steroids runs faster than bloke...
The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.
Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.
"It's not just...
Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...
Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals...
Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED
The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified.
The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be...
Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told
Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.
The news comes...
Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release
A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for...
Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May
People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...
Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...
Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to...
