Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

70
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...
Putin

Vladimir Putin wins Great Russian Bake-off after other contestants fall ill

0
Vladimir Putin has won the Russian version of Celebrity Great British Bake-off after all the other contestants sadly died in tragic but mysterious circumstances. Mr...
Traffic

Workman spotted doing some work on the £15BN M62 Roadworks

0
The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time...

Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis

10
The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...
Clubbing

Couple looking forward to annual tedious night out, in dreadful nightclub with hideous people

0
A middle aged Rochdale couple are reportedly giddy with excitement about their annual tedious night out in a horrible club with hideous people  tonight. Barbara...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

0
In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...

Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning

0
A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman...

Next Call of Duty to be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales

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The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

2
Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.

Trading Standards to prosecute Gastro Pub for using plates

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A new gastro pub, The Pissed Idiot, in Rochdale is under investigation by trading standards after allegedly serving food on actual plates rather than...

Wayne Rooney to be donated to Beijing zoo footballer breeding program

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Manchester United have announced that they are donating the footballer Wayne Rooney to Beijing zoo. The footballer who has been increasingly marginalised this season will...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

0
Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

6
Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

0
The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President...
Elmer Fudd

Elmer Fudd resigns as Home Secretary

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The Home Secretary Elmer Fudd has resigned, Downing Street has said. Mr Fudd, was due to make a Commons Statement on Monday about the Windrush...
Theresa May

Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM

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The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is...

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