Bruce Forsyth

Sir Bruce Forsyth declared fit for work by ATOS

94
British television legend Sir Bruce Forsyth has died at the age of 89 of a chest infection. Bruce was well known for his dancing and...
Die Hard 2

Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...

0
A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Old Graduate

University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots

83
Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet. A lower-level investigation...

Aung San Suu Kyi surrenders Freedom of Dublin refusing to share the honour with...

0
Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi has given up her Freedom of the city of Dublin in protest at sharing the distinction with Bono,...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

23
Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

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More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

Couple still at bottle bank

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A Rochdale couple is now entering their third day of disposing of bottles at their local bottle bank.
Tony Blair tattoo

Tony Blair reveals ‘only God can judge me’ tattoo

66
Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only...
Daily Mail Readers

Are we the baddies ask Daily Mail readers

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A Rochdale couple have been telling the Herald how they fear they may now be the baddies. Martin and Drusilla Williams regularly buy the Daily...

Florence and Dougal quit UK over Brexit fears

0
In a shock move, Magic Roundabout stars Florence and Dougal have announced they are quitting the UK to move back to their native France...
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

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The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

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A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

2
The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn demands General Election so voters can choose between Brexit or Brexit

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Jeremy Corbyn has demanded that the Government call a General Election in order that the public can choose between his insane version of Brexit...
Kitten

Fluffy kitten is a double hard bastard

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An adorably fluffy little kitten from Bury has confirmed he is a double hard bastard who is not to be trifled with. 13 week old...

Rochdale man jailed for putting milk in tea before taking out teabag

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A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was...

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