Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

53
Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing...
Stevenage

Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton

0
Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while...
Sturgeon

Will of the Scottish People Revealed to be Sturgeon’s Imaginary Friend

10
An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her...

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

0
The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...
Wasps

Wasps are little shits, confirm scientists

50
After years of study, it has finally been confirmed by scientists from the Special Training Institute North Grimsby, that wasps serve no useful purpose...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

1
An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...
Theresa May

Theresa May to raise voting age to 35

51
Senior Tory advisors, still reeling from Thursday's disastrous election result which provided a hung parliament, are said today to be telling the prime minister Theresa May that something serious has to be done about Britain's broken electoral system.
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

0
The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in...

Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God

0
In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in...
Annoyed Cat

Dead mouse on kitchen floor is a warning, not a gift

0
The dead animals that the cat has been dragging in from the garden are not gifts, they’re warnings cats have confirmed. Fluffles the cat, from...
Nurses

NHS crisis averted after 33,500 nurses found down back of sofa

0
Whitehall: There has been widespread relief around the UK after reports that the deepening staffing crisis in the NHS has been averted after tens...

Thousands of Leave voters dead after do not drink labels removed from bottles of...

0
Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules,...

Social Services called after parents name baby Nigel

0
United Kingdom - Reports are emerging that Social Services have stepped in and taken a child into care in Burnley after learning that the...
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

7
?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in...
Big Ben

Big Ben to be renamed Massive Mohammed from 2018

367
Equality campaigners have welcomed plans to rename Big Ben as part of a project celebrating London's rich cultural heritage. The famous landmark, which is due...
Downing Street

DUP advises British Gas customers to burn witches and Catholics to keep warm this...

41
Princess Diana's body is to be exhumed and hung on a gibbet outside Buckingham Palace to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the last witch-hunt...

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