Mugwump? That hoofwanking spangletwat needs to stop spafftrumpeting says Corbyn

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Earlier this morning Boris Johnson MP called Jeremy Corbyn a 'Mutton-headed Mugwump'. Full time buffoon and part time Foreign Secretary is known for his creative language...
The Daily Mail

Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners

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Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline...

Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit

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Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.
Vicki Pollard

Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper

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A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
snowstorm

Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...

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The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be...

Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain to reprise Pigeon Lady role in Home Alone...

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Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the Home Alone...

Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

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The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The...
Dominic Raab

Dominic Raab announces sanctions on Isle of Aran

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Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

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Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

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Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...
Letterbox

Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes

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Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad...
First year student can't wait to get home to tell her pony all about Marxism

First year student can’t wait to get home to tell her pony all about...

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A first year student at the University of Bristol is said to be very excited about getting home for Christmas so she can tell...

Jeremy Corbyn in Right Wing Political Correctness Storm

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The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

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It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A...

SHOCK as cocaine bought in Rochdale nightclub found to contain trace amounts of COCAINE

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Local man Geoff Addy was out partying in Rochdale's premier night club, Kokos, on Saturday for his mate John Bullington's abortion party, when he...

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