FBI

There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...

1
The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have...
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

0
In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in...

Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants

0
The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will...
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

0
News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that...
Young Couple

Middle class parents convert to Satanism after local cult school gets glowing Ofsted report

0
Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it...

Just 126 sleeps until Xmas, says cat

0
A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon...

Nigel Farage to replace David Dimbleby as host of BBC’s Question Time

0
The BBC have confirmed that Nigel Farage is to replace David Dimbleby as the host of its topical debate programme Question Time. It is understood...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

0
There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of...
Cyclist

Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis

0
A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

6
Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

0
A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The...
Royal Navy

Royal Navy ordered to kill any f*cking Frenchman who so much as looks at...

19
10 Downing Street has ordered the Royal Navy to kill any f*cking Frenchman who so much as looks at a British fish. The order has...
Traffic

Workman spotted doing some work on the £15BN M62 Roadworks

0
The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

70
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...
Michael Gove

Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves

16
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

0
Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves...

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