Following Theresa May’s unsurprising announcement of a snap general election, Jeremy Corbyn has made a press statement.

Stood in front of a dozen media representatives he said;

“We at the Labour party are celebrating this news; half of us, because we still have a flicker of hope in this dark, nightmarish world of austerity, tax evasion and privatisation; the other half, because they are ideologically aligned with the conservatives.”

He then called for a few questions, the Rochdale Herald asked:

“Now you meet the Conservatives in an election battle, how do you feel? Your opinion poll ratings are weak old man.”

Corbyn, dressed in a brown jumper knitted by his mum and a woollen cowl smiled gently before saying:

“If they strike me down I will become more powerful than they could ever imagine.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.