Theresa May met children’s entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person.

Ostensibly the meeting was to reassure the Scottish First Minister that Scotland, who would have voted to remain in the EU if Scotland were a state and not a nation, is a nation and not a state.

Theresa May, the only leader in the meeting not to have been democratically elected rather selected in a bizarre ‘Hunger Games’ style event sponsored by News International, is reported to have said;

“You wanted a referendum on independence, we gave you one, Scotland voted to stay in the UK. The UK voted to leave the EU, you’ll just have to wear it with the rest of us.”

Sturgeon apparently retorted something about that not being very democratic only to be told;

“Fuck off Nicola, we’re a constitutional monarchy, not a democracy. I serve at the pleasure of her majesty. We still have a tower, you’d do well to remember that. Smile for the camera.”

She then turned around and kicked the ball into her own net by tweeting something about the UK and Scotland. Genius.


Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.