Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can’t get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.

“I’m furious.” Steve Dickinson told The Herald. “I can’t get the tee off times I want since I let my membership lapse.

And they won’t let me in the bar anymore, I have to sit in the lounge with the women and there’s no snooker table in there. They won’t even let me play in the tournaments or buy a ticket for the meat raffle.”

We contacted Manchester Golf Club for a comment who told us that “obviously prime time tee off slots are reserved for paying members. We’re a golf club. It’s not rocket science.”

Mr Dickinson was inspired to let his membership lapse after a chance encounter with Michael Gove. Mr Gove had apparently assured Steve that he’d be able to get better tee off times and save money on his membership fees if he let his membership lapse.

“He’s a twat.” Steve told us. “I can play golf there provided I don’t want to play on a weekend or while it’s daylight.”

There’s a 20 year waiting list to join the club.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.