According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword.

A Daily Express staff witness said: “Liz was forced to tap the bloke lightly on both shoulders after he lunged at her during a ceremony at Buckingham Palace. I thought he seemed suspiciously brown.”

The IMMIGRANT was escorted from the premises by quick-thinking guards however witnesses from The Sun newspaper and The Daily Mail have concluded that he may have stolen several gold medals.

“There he was, brazen as you like, outside the palace showing off his loot” Richard Longlense, staff photographer for the The Mail on Sunday told The Rochdale Herald. “Luckily I got some photographs of him before he ran off and we should be able to run some wanted posters for her Maj in the morning.”

Upon reports that the Queen is now allegedly missing a knighthood, Bob Geldof said he was happy to return his, provided he can bring his own news crew to film him throwing it through the window.

 

 

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.