News is coming in this morning of a terrible incident in central London that has left dozens dead and many hundreds horribly wounded.

Eyewitnesses have described a huge steam explosion in Westminster that authorities have described as having “the force of five thousand Chernobyls”.

It’s believed the source of the blast, which has removed the roof of Westminster and blown out the windows out of every single office in a four mile radius, is a Morphy Richard’s kettle in Chris Grayling’s office.

Specialist teams in radiation suits will be attempting to enter the area to establish the cause of the catastrophe but first reports indicate that Chris Grayling, the Transport Secretary, may have been trying to make himself a cup of tea and inadvertently caused a chain reaction that has torn a hole in the fabric of reality itself.

“We’re not entirely sure how Mr Grayling could have ruptured the space time continuum with a kettle, there’s only switch on it. On or off.” A spokesman in a Hazmat Suit told The Rochdale Herald.”

“But it would appear that the very future of humanity and life as we know it is facing a disaster the likes of which have not been seen since the dinosaurs looked at the sky and thought, that’s a pretty meteorite.” 

Chris Grayling escaped the explosion completely unharmed and is expected to be promoted to Home Secretary this afternoon.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.